Again, goodbye.

She felt asleep while he was reading. He finally asks her something about the text and with no answer he looks at her. She has her eyes closed, and seems to be in peace, he couldn’t possibly think about waking her up. He stands up, sits by her side and pass his hand softly through her cheeks. She grabs his hands with this tender smile on her face, like he was everything she needed to feel comfort. He felt complete, like he was part of something real, part of something he never expected to feel, and suddenly his face was bright, eyes shining and he also got that tender smile she had.


He stood up to take his shirt of so he could lye down by her side, but she wouldn’t let him. She grabed his hand strong, and suddenly the tender smile was gone. She whispered very low still asleep:

- Don’t leave me…

- I won't.

He tried to walk away again, but she grabbed it stronger.

- I promise. {he said}

She smiled again. He stood up and kept staring at her, until her sleep was interrupted by the ring of his phone. She woke up with tired eyes, but kept her smile on.

- Sorry… {he said}

- Oh god… I completely felt asleep… where did we stop? {standing up}

- We stop on the part you were going to get some rest… {pulling her back to bed}

- {smiling} No c’mon, the finals are tomorrow… I have to study

- Babe, you’re gonna be fine, we’ve been studying for the entire semester, I made you learn the formulas by heart, and he already said he counts 50% if only the formula is correct.

- Still, I cannot pass with 50% on my test.

- Ok, it is really impossible that you don’t get any right questions if you have the right formula and a calculator babe, c’mon.

- {she looks at him like he finally convinced her} ok…

He takes her hand and massages it softly while looking into her eyes.

- You’re gonna be fine.

- So are we?

- What do you mean?

- I mean… tomorrow is finals, after that we are going to spend a week together before I go somewhere else and you come back here…

- So?

- So?!

- I mean… we made it last year, this year is no different. As you’d say, “we survived”.

- Yeah, I mean, that was the battle…

- So you saying we’re goin to a war? (joking)

- I’m not saying… Im just saying, it’s going to be difficult.

He comes closer, and pass his hands gently through her cheeks again, going to her lips, and drawing her chin with his fingers. She opens her mouth to say something, but he starts first.

- I love you. {looking inside and deeply into her eyes}

She takes a deep breath.

- We’re going to figure it out babe, don’t worry. {he says}

They hug. A tear comes out from her eyes.

- Are you crying?

- No…

- Come here, look at me.

She looks at him with pain in her eyes and although she tries to deny and fake it, he knows her too well, and she can no longer lie to him. The fake smile is gone, and more tears start to come up.

- Babe, c’mon… we’re gonna be fine… you gotta trust me…

- I do! ... I mean... Oh God, I do trust you…. {she closes her eyes, takes a deep breath} It’s just… you don’t get it…

- What is it?

- I’m tired of saying goodbyes to the people I love. (trying to hold her crying, he looks at her with understanding and sadness) The only person to whom I said I love you, the only one that I trusted for real and did not disappointed me ever, was my mom… I mean… how bad is that?

- Babe-

- When I was six my dad left us, and since when he was gone I just lost him day by day… And its just hurts so much… because I love him, but at the same time I have so many bad and sad feelings for him… Every time I look at him I fear the day he will die because I know I could never have enough from him. He was never there (crying) and I just kept waiting and fighting in order to make him remember that he got me… that I was there… that I needed him… but it always felt like I loved him more. Sometimes I would actually stop reminding him, just to see his reaction, waiting that he would come to me, give me a call, text me, send me an e-mail.. Anything! Instead, he would simply forget… and I never understood how could I love him so much, and not be loved the same way…

- And since then you promised yourself you’d never say I love you, to anyone…

- I suffered, I saw my mom suffering… I was so hurt… I just didn’t want to feel that ever, in my life. Every time I loved, cared, trusted someone… every time I though feelings were way enough to be the same within distance, was just a matter of time to them to fade away. Turns out I was never someone's priority after all. Best friends, boyfriends, family… So when I turned 15 I start pushing people away. I promised myself I would be colder, and would not trust people no matter how important they would’ve become to me. And I made it. Every time I started feeling too close to someone I would push them away, move city, country, school, say goodbye, loose contact…

She was looking into the floor, with her eyes frozen, drying her tears. He was staring at her, with a tender look mixing so many feelings at the same time.

- And then… that was you. {she looks into his eyes, he feels petrified, loose his breath.} you were the first one who actually pushed ME away. And I got so frustrated, because, that was MY job… but stupid as it seems, even when I walked away, I just couldn’t leave you behind completely. And I know I moved forward, but every time I looked into his eyes I would wish those were yours… I would get myself every day wondering what did I do wrong… And I actually though this was the life pay back, cuz I was finally feeling how bad it feels to be pushed away, to be left alone…

- But I came back… I couldn’t leave you behind completely as well…

- I know… and weird as it seems you were nothing like what I’ve been looking for… ever!

He smiles, she smiles back.

- But yet, you were everything I actually needed to feel complete.
{they look deeply at each other} I’m sorry… I’m like using you as my diary now… I’m just… I’m so afraid of losing you…
{deep breath} I love you.
I do, I don’t think that is any better explanation to what I’m feeling right now I-

He kisses her, looks deeply into her eyes and says:

-







The End.

I don't acctually know what does he says... I just hope it will bring her comfort enought to take this fear away from her heart once for all. Cross fingers. xoxo